RIP 

Just another guy

The thing here. (Thing, he sd?) Well the travelers cloud dissipated and returned. The thing, or that which, could only be returned. Left Flagstaff on a downfall, sleepily. But nowhere to fucking sleep. So a cowpasture near two guns Arizona and Diablo’s gulch. Wonderful. Hard brakes to save rabbit, everything in back seat now in front. Electric storm, so damn dark, freezing (to pass the time). Wrapped upright in front seat on pills listening to the wind and the birds in their cage ruffling feathers before sleep. Drink more water (for want of letting it all go). That's the first time you've bn chipped like that old boy (no it isnt). Bleary sunrise, and off. Fillup and bad coffee with powdered cream. Scribble in book, clouds rolling in, rain. Next stop..Dalhart TX. Everywhere smlls of cowshit. Quickstop girl, red hair crossed eyes sells me beer. I want to tell her she’s pretty and that she’ll leave this town one day, and to have hope. I don’t. I say, 'have a good night', she grunts and lights a cigarette. Inn keeper doesn’t trust me. NY license, Kansas Plate, ‘where you commin from’ tucson. ‘where are you headed’ east. She is Indian, and the lobby is filled with the smell of curry. I say something stupid and offensive like, ‘I love the smell of curry’. I really do. She grunts and lights a cigarette/ reluctant keys, more pills, beer. Now I wonder if I ever will leave. Ac too loud, trucks pass every 30 seconds, shaking the bed. I watch out the window for some time blowing smoke through the screen. Just trucks and lightning. Sleep. Woke up twisting, shaking the grime of motel bedspread, shower scrub. Fillup and bad coffee with powdered cream. Scribble in book, flies on the make, many dead armadillos. Speed a little through TX, Ok. Get the hell out. Golden plains, flatlands. A pheasant, size of a three year old. It wants to cross. ‘Lift up! Lift up damn you!’ We make eye contact. Snap imagine tear forming, its eye pleading, as if to say... ‘now, lord?’…It bounces off the windshield. First car kill. Drag it off the road by its wing, all those colors, so beautiful. Move on, NPR’s finally coming in, oak trees and sunflower seeds.

That from a long way off look like flies

: Sun, 20 Jan 2002 15:42:41 -0600
To: Ava
Brief Correspondance

The collapse of our age-old distinction between Same and the Other. this passage quotes a "certain Chinese encyclopedia" in which it is written that "animals are divided into: (a) belonging to the Emperor, (b) embalmed, (c) tame, (d) sucking pigs, (e) sirens, (f) fabulous, (g) stray dogs, (h) included in the present classification, (i) frenzied, (j) innumerable, (k) drawn with a very fine camelhair brush, (l) et cetera, (m) having just broken the water pitcher, (n) that from a long way off look like flies." In the wonderment of this taxonomy, the thing we apprehend in the great leap, the thing that, by means of the fable, is demonstrated as the exotic charm of another system of thought, is the limitation of our own, the stark impossibility of thinking that.
but why is it impossible to think?
and what kind of impossibility are we faced with here?
I don't know who's crazier foucault or the author of that encyclopedia.
how are you mon-amie, you sound well. well enough for now. polyurethaneing your prints is a wonderful idea, I've been sinking a lot of things in resin myself, you're right about the fumes, but it's usually worth it.
i think i may be drinking too much, picking my nose, my belly it grows.
things go well here, I've found more than enough reason to go on living and little reason not to. I love you, I need to see your face, your funny eyebrows and crooked teeth,
You know I know you're beautiful.
don't leave anytime soon, my package must land safely.

ryan

Sun, 20 Jan 2002 17:01:30 -0500
To: Ryan
i see the swarms and think of you...

i need to know WHAT Chinese encyclopedia that was quoted from.
Anna is here. well not in my room, but in NYC. She is a good one as you well know... i want so much to see your work now. are you sending me songs? please do. i want to make things with you from afar. should I send you something or should I wait...
ooh i have to run at this moment.
more soon... meloberschu. ( i love you ) (( very much))

ave